Needing certainty shackles my potential for the unexpected. Feeling I don't know or Let's see what happens, allows my expanded self to provide answers and solutions that may be completely serendipitous and outrageously synchronistic. -Anita Moorjani
After years of speaking with many people in the throes of grief and shock, one thing seems a common theme. We become quite aware of synchronicities. Things people say, birds singing at a particular time, a tree, a song, a TV show reference -- all these things point to our loved one, to a connection we crave.
Then time passes, and we notice fewer of these occurrences, even though they are still around us. Perhaps you suddenly have a new friend or co-worker who likes the same oddball movies as your loved one. Look for the traits and characteristics you miss most of your loved ones. Remind yourself of what you do not mourn - pain, struggles, financial stress, their horrible cleaning habits, or their meanness.
What traps us most in grief is the sense that nothing was gained from their change and form and right behind that is assuming that was a saint who had not faults you genuinely don't miss.
A priest once said, "Too many funerals are a canonization mass." I perceived his meaning we throw away all the annoying or frustrating things about a loved one and focus on what we lost. Furthermore, we miss the traits of our love done based on what was important to us.
When my father passed, I missed his belief in me. In some ways, he had me on a pedestal. When he changed form, I felt low. I doubted myself. I didn't realize how insecure I was and literally, pulled from him to feel better. It was time for me to grow up and learn how to believe in myself to higher levels and be less dependent upon the approval of others. All this trickled to a vocation I love and would not have occurred before. How you perceive your loved one's passing is everything.
Seek the traits you miss most and other items or a person, or people will fill them.
Also, what you DON'T miss - you'll see last. This is where grief holds people hostage. How can you move past something that is only glorious and wonderful? How can you move on if you can't see the gift?
There is not one aspect of my father that I don't see in life today. Moreover, there's a glorious place of realizing all things work together for good, when we look with spiritual eyes.
Life has changed, not ended. Catholic Funeral Rite
See, your loved one is with you. You can't escape it; you can only forget or haven't learned where to look.
If you'd like to learn more on this perspective, send me an e-mail in the contact form. I'd be honored to serve you.
Master the dance of life.
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